Think about a time when things didn’t go quite as planned.  It could be something as small as missing the bus to work. Or something bigger – like preparing weeks for a presentation and once you got up in front of the group, they changed the parameters, scraped the project, or completely rejected your ideas. 

We’ve all been there. Recently, I had a family emergency that required travel across the country. My priorities were not questioned; however, the trip threw my business life into a tailspin – missed classes, calls, invoices, and deadlines. Once I shifted my focus back to business and checked my emails and texts, I experienced what could have felt like overwhelmed, making me want to crawl up into a ball and go to sleep. It turned out to be a time of great learning and inspiration to write this month’s blog.

Bouncing back from setbacks, whether due to self-imposed expectations, the guilt of disappointing others, or losing a client or a job, is a test of your resilience.

When I was a young boy growing up in San Antonio, Texas, my father took me with him to Austin where he worked as a state attorney. I had the honor of meeting the late Barbara Jordan, the first African American elected to the Texas Senate who invited me to be an honorary page. I had no idea what a page did; I was just excited to have a day away from school and hang out with my dad in the state’s capital.

We are making our way to the capital building on State Street in Austin. My dad and I are standing on a street corner waiting for the light to change. My dad is a big man. He’s tall and dark. People say he’s handsome. He’s also a person who easily can be scary looking at first sight. You notice him when he walks into a room. The kind of person who gets attention without saying a word. He strikes up a conversation with another man also waiting to cross the street. For those who are unaware, back then it was illegal to cross the street when the walk light blazed red, “Don’t Walk.”

As my dad stands with the posture of former military, he and another man begin to talk. I don’t pay much attention to what they are saying. I am feeling the warm sun as my eyes dart up and down the street, watching cars go by, and people all dressed up. So glad I get to miss a day of school. Suddenly I heard my dad’s voice. “This is my son Byron”, I hear my dad’s base baritone voice rumble from above my head. It is as though heaven opens and God speaks my name to get my attention. I am 7- or 8-years-old. A chubby, soon-to-be a Weblow Scout. We shop in the husky department at Sears for all my pants. That‘s the only place that has pants I can wear. I’m not all that comfortable in my own skin. Not like my dad.

“Shake the man’s hand,” Dad’s voice thunders. I slowly stretch out my hand as I look down to the ground. “Look the man in the eye when you shake his hand,” I hear my dad’s voice again. I slowly lift my head, looking up at a man. I don’t know him. Trying to remember how I know him. I feel a little scared inside. He’s a stranger. I don’t speak to strangers. I can hardly wait to leave the corner. Just my dad and me.

After a few moments, the light turns green. The man walks one way. Dad and I go another. “Who is that man Daddy?” I ask lots of questions, as usual, wondering what the answer will be. “I don’t know,” he replies. I am surprised that my dad does the very thing my mother and he warn me not to do; speak to strangers. Confusing! This is my earliest memory of building relationships. “You just talk to a man on the street you don’t know?”

What I learned from that experience is that there are exceptions to rules. First, you learn what the rules are. So that by the time you choose to break them, you’ve built the confidence in your resilience to face the consequences.

Today, just as my father demonstrated, I’ll talk to just about anyone on just about any topic without hesitation. It was a long road to travel to get comfortable enough to speak to people. Let alone strangers. Today, no one is a stranger to me once I introduce myself and engage them.

How did I overcome the fear of speaking to people? Years as a musical theater actor exposed me to all types of characters, playing all types of roles and having a director tell me, “Think of everyone in the first row sitting there in their underwear. How can you be nervous when you are on stage fully dressed!” Or my mother’s encouragement, “They put on their pants just like you do; one leg at a time. No need to be afraid of people.”

You may be all too familiar with the saying: Life happens when we are busy making plans. I once worked with a client to create a Life Plan. This client shared with me their reluctance to plan ahead, stating, “I want to stay open to the unexpected that is bound to happen. So why punish myself by planning ahead when I know something is bound to arise that causes me to throw out my plans because the unexpected happened leaving me to change my course anyway.” You may ask yourself – Why bother?

For over 50 years I’ve been steeped in consulting, which has taught me the value of formulating a plan so that course correcting takes less time and energy than starting from scratch when Mother Nature has her way with your plans.

Any time I stumble onto an unexpected set of circumstances, it is my resilient mindset that allows me to develop a client solution that I believe will make all the difference in solving my client’s problem.

Sure, there will be unknowns to consider. Yet, the basis of planning is the ART of determining how to approach a problem, figuring out the best tools and techniques to resolve the problem, and then demonstrating how to release the tension that was created when the problem presented itself, so we become more flexible to move through a similar reoccurrence the next time. I’ve come to learn that there will be a next time!

Harvard Business Review looked at 450 CEO successions in 4 years.  35% of the CEOs who were ousted from one company proceeded to take a similar role at a larger company where they ended up being the same or more successful.  What is the difference between those who bounce back and those who do not?

Often it comes down to mindset and how the leader handles the setback.  Getting fired from a high-profile position can happen for a variety of reasons – some of which are out of the leader’s control.  Because they are at the top, they can be the fall guy or girl when times are tough.

After this happens, the leader has some choices – step down into a lower executive position, move into a lower-profile position out of the public eye (such as to the Board of Directors), or seek out a new company. 

When leaders have a well-constructed plan and follow the steps that we’ve mentioned above, they can fight back and convince others of their worthiness to lead again.  Other leaders choose a different path, albeit not at the top position.  Others are never heard from again.  The difference comes down to resilience and their plan to bounce back how they choose to. In the end, it always comes down to a choice.