Author: Byron Darden

Self-Reflection

When something fails to work out as expected – leaving us with a negative outcome, it’s learned behavior to react by pointing the finger at someone or something. While there may be outside influences that contribute to the issue, the one thing that you can control is your choice of response. Effective leaders take ownership of their part of the problem, learn from setbacks, and create opportunities for improvement.  It’s important to keep things in perspective and consult your team for solutions. 

Developing your resilience soft skills involves self-reflection.  Take time to reflect on the situation, brainstorm possible solutions, and determine your next steps.

  1. Setbacks are often unexpected – or at least they seem that way.  Give yourself time to reflect on the situation.  This often results in the “Why me?” or “Life is unfair” inner criticism we fall prey to at times. Just avoid remaining in this state for too long.
  2. After some reflection, you might realize that there are things you could have done differently.  Identify the buttons that were pushed and your shortcomings in averting the situation.
  3. In many situations, there are elements out of your control and those that you can control.  Realize the difference and capitalize on what you learn.
  4. Make a plan moving forward and be prepared to work on your plan.
  5. Give yourself grace.  Setbacks happen to everyone and how you handle them will define you.
  6. While it’s tempting to blame outside circumstances, you gain more by looking at the situation from different perspectives.  Remember that when you point a finger at others, three fingers are pointing back at you.
  7. Throughout the process, stop and reflect on choices you make or decisions that led to the current unsatisfying situation. 
  8. Resolve to learn from the setback and recognize how you can choose differently in the future.

Building Relationships

You may be all too familiar with the saying: Life happens when we are busy making plans. I once worked with a client to create a Life Plan. This client shared with me their reluctance to plan ahead, stating, “I want to stay open to the unexpected that is bound to happen. So why punish myself by planning ahead when I know something is bound to arise that causes me to throw out my plans because the unexpected happened leaving me to change my course anyway.” You may ask yourself – Why bother?

For over 50 years I’ve been steeped in consulting, which has taught me the value of formulating a plan so that course correcting takes less time and energy than starting from scratch when Mother Nature has her way with your plans.

Any time I stumble onto an unexpected set of circumstances, it is my resilient mindset that allows me to develop a client solution that I believe will make all the difference in solving my client’s problem.

Sure, there will be unknowns to consider. Yet, the basis of planning is the ART of determining how to approach a problem, figuring out the best tools and techniques to resolve the problem, and then demonstrating how to release the tension that was created when the problem presented itself, so we become more flexible to move through a similar reoccurrence the next time. I’ve come to learn that there will be a next time!

From Fear to Triumph

I once worked with a client to develop storytelling techniques for use in business situations. Typically, these are stories with a teachable point of view. They are often told from the point of view of a life lesson learned. It could be a surprising insight gained from an otherwise unflattering light shown on the storytellers themselves, or perhaps a learning we have from watching the failure of another person’s actions.

They were petrified at the thought of standing before colleagues, sharing a less than proud moment from their lives. At the encouragement of the cohort with whom they were aligned, the moment came to stand in front of a classroom of high-powered executives and share the story they crafted over the course of an afternoon.

When the story reached its end, their fellow executives from all over the world, representing a wide variety of different industries, rose to their feet with the precision of the Rockets at Radio City Music Hall applauding that seemed to go on for some time. In all the years I’ve taught this program, I do not recall experiencing such a heartwarming appreciation for a story well told. The lesson learned is that we can be our own worst critic and when we simply trust in the process, something wonderful can emerge. In addition, we also grow in confidence the more we do the things that challenge us the most. Each building block that contributes to our courage makes us stronger and more willing to tackle the next.

It isn’t from theory that I draw lessons to help leaders overcome hurdles in their careers. It is from being in the trenches and learning from doing that comforts me in lifting others up.

Handling Setbacks

Harvard Business Review looked at 450 CEO successions in 4 years.  35% of the CEOs who were ousted from one company proceeded to take a similar role at a larger company where they ended up being the same or more successful.  What is the difference between those who bounce back and those who do not?

Often it comes down to mindset and how the leader handles the setback.  Getting fired from a high-profile position can happen for a variety of reasons – some of which are out of the leader’s control.  Because they are at the top, they can be the fall guy or girl when times are tough.

After this happens, the leader has some choices – step down into a lower executive position, move into a lower-profile position out of the public eye (such as to the Board of Directors), or seek out a new company. 

When leaders have a well-constructed plan and follow the steps that we’ve mentioned above, they can fight back and convince others of their worthiness to lead again.  Other leaders choose a different path, albeit not at the top position.  Others are never heard from again.  The difference comes down to resilience and their plan to bounce back how they choose to. In the end, it always comes down to a choice.

Bounce Back

“Resilience is all about being able to overcome the unexpected. Sustainability is about survival. The goal of resilience is to thrive.” – Jamais Cascio

History books are filled with those that overcame adversity.  Abraham Lincoln faced adversity from his very early career, failing as a shopkeeper, and failing to be elected to Congress several times.  Imagine if he had given up – instead, he became one of our greatest Presidents.  Colonel Sanders didn’t succeed with Kentucky Fried Chicken until he was in his late 60’s.  JK Rowling’s Harry Potter was rejected by 12 major publishers before becoming one of the bestselling book series of all time.  The list goes on. 

Whether your setback is small or seemingly insurmountable, people rarely remember the circumstances of the setback; they remember how you stood up, dusted the dirt off your knees, and made a plan. 

Are you facing a setback and need assistance working out the details – someone to bounce ideas off and gain perspective, book a call on my calendar.  Together we’ll work on tools to help you bounce back.

Founder’s Corner

Reaching the pinnacle of excellence is not an end game. It’s a journey we begin with the hope of becoming better today than we were yesterday. It’s how we build our relationships with one another. It’s how we improve our approach, processes, and procedures. It’s also how we look at the choices we make that refreshes our memory to choose more wisely over time.

Hi, I’m Byron Darden and I welcome you to yet another edition of Leading with Purpose On Purpose. A dear friend of mine often reminds me how fortunate we all are to wake up each morning allowing us another day to get it right. This reminds me of one of my favorite quotes by the late Bob Saget, an American stand-up comedian, actor, and television host of the Today show who said, “Today is the first day of the rest of your life. And if that doesn’t work out for you, tomorrow is the first day of the rest of your life.” This quote reflects that the past is gone, unchangeable, and inaccessible, leaving this present moment the most significant moment in our lives when we get to choose how much better we will be than we were a moment ago. It is this belief that allows us the opportunity to strive for what could be even more beneficial when we choose to lift whatever it is, to higher levels of excellence.

Excellence is not a quality we settle for. It is what great leaders continue to seek in working toward the pinnacle. Whether it is the pinnacle of your own leadership or the pinnacle of developing new leaders as Jack Welch, former CEO of GE believed, is one of the most important jobs of a leader.

My Leadership challenge to you; when it comes to leading others and developing other leaders, is to focus on something you do really well and strive to do it better.

Reaching the Pinnacle of Leadership Presence

Many leaders strive to be at the top of their organization. They may think, “Once I reach the top, I’ll be a success.” Often, this is accompanied by a sense of complacency or asking themselves, “Now what? What else is there?”

I experienced this firsthand when I achieved my first master’s rating as a figure skating coach. I remember receiving the news upon completing my oral exam in front of three master-rated coaches, one of whom was a friend, now deceased. “Congratulations, Byron! You’ve now accomplished your first master rating.” I recall being somewhat petrified at the news, wondering when everyone would figure out that I had no idea how I’d become a master of my craft. I spent the next several years trying to live up to the new title. It took that long for me to settle into the fact that I truly had mastered the ability to teach skaters at the pinnacle of excellence in skating and mentor other coaches to the same degree.

How do you define reaching the pinnacle of success?  Is it when you reach the CEO position or is it an intangible feeling? 

Possessing a title does not make you an effective leader.  The ability to connect, engage and inspire those you lead along your visionary path is achieved through leadership presence. 

Leadership presence refers to the ability of a leader to project a sense of confidence, authenticity, and authority when interacting with those they lead.  It’s a leader’s impression and impact on their team, colleagues, and other stakeholders. Leadership presence goes beyond having a title or position of authority; it’s about how a leader carries themselves and influences those around them.

In the past months, we’ve explored unique characteristics that lead to leadership presence, including intentionality, your speaking voice, how open you are, how you engage with your teams, and how consistent you are. 

We will explore what it means to reach the pinnacle of leadership presence and how you can strive to get there.

The Unpaved Path

Like climbing a mountain, the path to the top is neither straight nor free of obstacles.  It takes hard work, the ability to change and adapt, and the right mindset.  There are measurable markers along the way.

According to John Maxwell, in his book by the same name, there are five basic levels of leadership:

  1. Position – A person has been asked to manage a team.  This person might be considered a boss. They have the title and the subordinates. They can enforce rules and regulations. Yet, they may not have developed the leadership skills that cause them to be effective.
  2. Permission – This person begins to develop trust and respect from their team.  This is the start of leadership, where you build relationships and connections and start to develop influence.
  3. Production – This leader builds a cohesive team that gets things done.  They produce results for the organization while handling challenging situations.  At this point, true leaders start to emerge.
  4. People Development – This leader nurtures and mentors their team members, developing them into future leaders through observation, feedback loops and coaching.
  5. Pinnacle – Leaders at this level have mastered skills at the lower levels and are crucial figures in the entire organization’s success and even the industry.  They create opportunities for others and leave a legacy.  “Pinnacle leaders stand out from everyone else. They are a cut above, and they seem to bring success with them wherever they go.”

The pinnacle of leadership presence is the most successful point. Who you are and what it represents commands the respect of others.  You have the opportunity for fulfillment as you successfully establish a vision, live as an example that inspires others, and serve to achieve goals.

Reaching the pinnacle level requires much more than an MBA and hard skills; it involves taking risks and setting yourself apart through any number of ways.

Value and Worth

According to Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs, the fourth point on the pyramid is the need to be recognized.  Here’s where becoming a leader may play a part in fulfilling this need.  After all, when someone becomes a leader, they expect others to hold them in a higher esteem. 

When a person rises through the ranks at a rapid pace or fails to develop the right mindset, those who are supposed to look up to them may not respond in the way the leader expects. The leader has not earned their place and has a greater challenge to earn their respect.  The development of mindset happens way before the pinnacle of success. 

Here’s a typical example I often hear:  Employees expressing their displeasure at being asked to do something outside their job description.  They say things such as, “That’s not my job. I’m not working for free and doing their dirty work, just because they think they can get away with it! I won’t allow myself to be abused.”  We must take care of ourselves and not allow the boss to abuse us with unpaid work, unappreciated effort, and unfair responsibilities that can sabotage the quality of the work we produce. That said, playing it safe does not earn promotions.

Waiting for the promotion before you demonstrate you can succeed at the role is working backward. That mindset will not move you forward.

By contrast, to earn a promotion, you must demonstrate your value to the organization before you apply.  Work to stand apart from the pack by demonstrating your leadership ability and mastery.  Instead of waiting for a job opening and trying to convince management that you are the best candidate, exhibit behaviors showing management they do not need to post a job unless that is an established protocol within the organization.

When we work to stand out from the pack by demonstrating our ability and mastery in leading, we are more apt to gain the promotion associated with those skills. Be the likely choice, and you’ll become the likely candidate.

Change Your Mindset

Progressing from “position to pinnacle” is no easy task.  Even born leaders need to become fully aware of their mindset and actions.  Looking honestly at where you are and where you wish to be often uncovers traits to improve.  Instead of looking at an activity beyond your job description, consider how performing the task could benefit your perception.  Turn a mundane task into an opportunity to showcase your talents.

Move Away FromMove Toward
Death by PowerPointMasterful Platform Skills
Telling People What to DoInspiring People to Do
Autocratic Leadership StyleCoaching Leadership Style
Being GuardedBeing Vulnerable
InauthenticityAuthenticity
  • Think about how you respond and are perceived by your leaders.  When you are asked to make a presentation, use the opportunity to practice your platform skills instead of reading and flipping through a mundane PowerPoint presentation.
  • When your team is assigned a project, structure the tasks in an inspiring way rather than just telling your team what to do.
  • Act as a coach instead of just the boss.
  • Be your authentic self with your team; demonstrate your vulnerable side through stories with a teachable point of view.

Reaching the leadership pinnacle is not just about your actions, it is also about your mindset. How you see situations based on your core values, consciously or subconsciously, affects the outcome. Many leaders use what Roger Schwartz calls a “unilateral control” mindset, trying to achieve goals by trying to control the situation. 

When you use this type of thinking, you assume you are correct, and those who disagree with you are incorrect.  When they disagree with your approach or decisions, they may not understand the variables. Problems are inevitable because of the actions of others. Not yours! 

There are perceived benefits in unilateral thinking, including the fact that you often win while acting rationally and keeping unpleasant feelings out of the conversation.  These may come at a risk to the process.  You risk alienating team members and creating an environment where there is less enthusiasm for the project.  You may not hear valuable feedback your team has to offer.

A better approach is called Mutual Learning, whereby you are curious, transparent, accountable, make informed choices, and use compassion.  Leaders work with their teams to achieve results by listening to and incorporating feedback.