Ever wonder what all the fuss is about regarding meditation? It is just one of the many ways of developing mindfulness. The practice of focusing on the present moment, often through sensations in the body. It can be practiced during meditation or in everyday activities, such as cooking, eating, cleaning, walking, or star gazing up into the sky. However you find yourself most comfortable developing it, mindfulness is a powerful tool anyone can develop for themselves. How have I come to know so much about mindfulness? It is a daily practice of mine and one I share with all my clients, no matter where in the world they may be leading teams, interacting with colleagues or influencing senior leadership and clients. Developing a mindfulness practice has helped every client with whom I’ve worked become a more effective leader.

Hi, I’m Byron Darden with another edition of Leading with Purpose on Purpose. In this seventh installment, we continue our series on Transitions with this month’s, Transcending Change: Embracing Mindfulness in Transitions. Enjoy!

Let’s begin this month’s blog with Transcending Changes: Embracing Mindfulness in Transitions.

Mindfulness is awareness of the interconnected communication loop between the body and brain that influences the perception and behavior of ourselves and our environment. While it requires a mental effort, it is an exercise that requires drawing on all our senses. It is a practice that involves bringing our attention to the present moment without judgment. It’s about being fully aware of our thoughts, feelings, bodily sensations, and the environment surrounding us. 

Rather than dwelling on the past or worrying about the future, mindfulness encourages us to experience each moment as it unfolds. Within its unfolding, it is helpful to combine mindfulness with loving kindness; the latter of which is more directed to our awareness in the physical realm. Often these two are combined to be certain to balance the mind with the body.

Mindfulness is a practice rooted in ancient contemplative traditions, particularly in Buddhism,  it has also gained widespread popularity in modern psychology and other wellness practices. At its core, mindfulness involves intentionally paying attention to the present moment with openness, curiosity, and acceptance.

Think of mindfulness as a framework to prepare for approaching transitions. By integrating your practice of mindfulness and loving-kindness into your transition process, you can navigate change skillfully and with a greater sense of inner peace. We will speak more about this in our final blog next month which brings closure to our series on Transitions.

Here are some key aspects of mindfulness:

• Present Moment Awareness: Bring your attention to the here and now, focusing on your current experiences, sensations, thoughts, and emotions without getting caught up in past regrets or future worries.
• Non-Judgmental Awareness: Observe your experiences without judgment or criticism. This means accepting your thoughts and feelings as they are, without labeling them as “good” or “bad,” “right” or “wrong.” These are judgments that when used to express our opinion of another’s effort, particularly in a business setting, can have an adverse effect on the receiver of such judgmental words. As a result, while we may not be conscious of their effect, the impact is felt and can often lead to the very reason people choose to move on to opportunities in other organizations.
• Acceptance and Letting Go: Develop your ability to accept issues, circumstances, and situations as they are in the present moment, even when they are difficult or uncomfortable. It’s about letting go of the impulse to control or change things and instead allowing them to unfold naturally.
• Awareness of Thoughts and Emotions: Become more aware of your thoughts and emotions as they arise, observing them with curiosity and without attachment rather than becoming overwhelmed by them.
• Focused Attention: Focus your attention on a specific object or function, such as your breath, bodily sensations, or an external stimulus such as the flame of a candle. This helps anchor your awareness in the present moment and prevents your mind from wandering.
• Cultivation of Compassion: While awareness and acceptance are primary, you will also want to cultivate compassion and loving-kindness towards yourself and others. This involves treating yourself with gentleness and understanding, especially during challenging times such as transitioning through change.
• Practice and Skill Development: Mindfulness is a state of being and a skill that can be developed through regular practice. Activities such as meditation, mindful breathing, body scans, expressing loving-kindness and mindful movement, (i.e. yoga or tai chi) are common ways to cultivate it.

This developed quality is a powerful tool for promoting mental well-being, reducing stress, and enhancing self-awareness. It can be applied in various aspects of life, from managing everyday stressors to navigating major life transitions with greater resilience and clarity. You will recall my sharing about this in our May blog on “The ART of Listening.”

Discover the Role of Mindfulness in your life.

Practicing mindfulness can serve you well in various transitions throughout life. Here are some examples:

• Career Transitions: Whether starting a new job, gaining a promotion, transitioning to a different career path, or retiring from your current profession, mindfulness can help you navigate the transitions of these changes more effectively.
• Relationship Transitions: Draw on your practice to support you during relationship transitions such as starting a new romantic relationship, going through a breakup or divorce, or adjusting to changes in your family dynamics.
• Life Stage Transitions: As we learn, grow, mature, and explore, life stage transitions are inevitable and look different for everyone. Mindfulness can help us embrace these differences and transition through the changes they present to us with openness, acceptance, and a sense of purpose. This insight led me to learn how I can provide support to leaders as they consider what is next in their lives. Helping them plan for it rather than just letting life happen to them.
• Health Transitions: Managing health-related transitions, such as recovering from an illness or injury, adapting to a new diagnosis, or making lifestyle changes to improve your well-being, can be challenging. Your practice can support you in coping with the physical, emotional, spiritual, and psychological aspects of these transitions.
• Cultural or Environmental Transitions: Moving to a new city or country, adjusting to a different cultural or social environment, or experiencing changes in your community can be disorienting. Mindfulness can help you stay grounded and connected through cultural or environmental shifts. Loving-kindness will help to orient to new situations with greater ease.
• Educational Transitions: Whether starting school, transitioning between academic programs, or pursuing further education, mindfulness can help you manage the academic pressures and uncertainties associated with the educational environment. Adding loving-kindness will support you physically as you experience the stress of such a transition on your body.
• Personal Growth Transitions: Engaging in personal growth activities such as starting a new hobby, embarking on a spiritual journey, or challenging yourself to step out of your comfort zone can be transformative. Mindfulness can support you in staying present, curious, and open to new experiences.

In essence, you can benefit from a mindfulness practice when experiencing any change, uncertainty, or adjustment. By cultivating mindfulness, you can navigate transitions with greater ease, resilience, and well-being, embracing the opportunities for growth and transformation that come with change.

Learn more about Developing Your Practice.

So much of my life has been steeped in transitions that I rarely gave much thought to how my experience could support others. It wasn’t until a dear friend and colleague of mine suggested I support others through transitions that it even occurred to me. At first, I could not fathom why they thought I would have anything to say to others that could help them. Her reply was sobering, “Clearly Byron, you haven’t read your own resume.” 

We all have moments in our lives when we discover how significant our experiences can be to others, sometimes more than they seem to ourselves. Having worked with global leaders who do not see their lives as particularly noteworthy, I’ve discovered a similar point of view about my own life! I’ve also learned just how noteworthy my clients’ lives truly are as we work together to evolve their leadership. They lead fascinating lives when they have the opportunity to see it from someone else’s perspective. 

When I work with leaders one-to-one or in groups, one of the aspects of my coaching is to share vulnerably about myself when appropriate. I learned that when I demonstrate vulnerability with my clients, they experience the value of the impact for themselves and are more confident in showing vulnerability with their own teams, colleagues, and clients. Starting at the beginning of our working relationship, I strategically find opportunities to share about myself as a model for how it is done and why it is such an effective way to build long and lasting relationships with others. 

In the Beginning

Rather than simply tell you a story, I will share with you that my friend and colleague brought to my attention that I transitioned from being a puppeteer entertaining young audiences to beginning my figure skating career which opened my eyes to business. 

My interest in how the skating business worked led to the start of a twelve-year career in the food service and hospitality industry primarily as a waiter; the most accessible entertainment to the public, from my perspective. I learned how to be authentically engaging and attentive to what made diners happy and appreciative. It was an industry that significantly developed my stage presence.

The entertainment business was already in my blood from my father; a professional pianist and drummer. Beyond his 9 to 5 profession, he continued to return to his love of music right up until the last six years of his life. He taught me to sharpen my entertainment skills through music and I did. I began honing those skills at just about every imaginable level of the restaurant experience. I transitioned from a pizza parlor to steakhouse dining. I made my way into gourmet catering where I continued for over a decade. I had the opportunity to work in a number of fine restaurants in my career. To this day, food preparation is my greatest passion. 

During that ten-plus year timeframe, I was tapped to move into the hotel industry working in the banquets department through five-star dining. I remember how challenging some of those transitions felt. When I first learned about the concept of imposter syndrome in my coaching work, I recalled similar feelings as a skater, progressing from one level to another. 

It really hit home for me when I earned my first master’s rating as a figure skating coach. “What am I going to do when they all find out I have no idea what I’m doing?”, I used to think. “Worse, what happens when the master coaches who passed me, have to explain why and how I passed?” It never occurred to me that imposter syndrome was what I experienced as I got promoted to higher levels, changed jobs, shifted to different industries, and acquired new skills and various roles. I’ve experienced these doubts since I began acting in the second grade. Being emotionally stretched and facing rejection was then and still is now, a regular occurrence. 

It remained the same when I toured with Ice Capades. In a professional show, talent is hired, promoted, demoted, and fired. It wasn’t always about a skater’s ability either. Sometimes it boiled down to, ‘how easy it is to work with a skater more so than how talented or not they may have been?” There is also that moment when it becomes time for talent to move on. It could be leaving the ice show as I did after three years, to move on to a coaching career. It could be moving up in an organization when promoted to more advanced roles. Or it could be moving on from a role in a company to join a different organization

For me, leaving the show and moving into coaching skaters was nothing like being a performer in an ice show. Evidence of that took a bit of time to sink in after a very seasoned coach enlightened  me that “it takes about five years to feel like you know what you’re doing.” Except, I already knew what I was doing. Or so I thought! 

My mother used to reference people who thought very highly of themselves. Not unlike when we reach adult age and think we know more than we do. She called it “smelling yourself.” I was so busy smelling myself after I heard I’d have to wait five years to really know what I was doing as a coach, that it wasn’t until about the fifth year that I remember gasping; realizing how far I’d come and how little I really knew! That revelation led to many years of trying to prove I had any business in the sport, much less coaching. Champion? Olympic coach? Yikes!

Coming Full Circle

I think part of the reason I returned to my own skating, which eventually led me to become a professional pairs skating champion, was to reconnect with my confidence in performing. That is a strange thing to share given we balance on a quarter of an inch of steel during which the only time we are on the full quarter-inch of the blade, is when we transition from edge to edge, from one foot to the other as well as moving from backward to forward and back again. The only way to avoid spending most of your time on your rear end is to master transitions. Yet, skaters still spend a significant amount of time on our ass, getting up off our ass or about to fall on our ass! Go figure! Pun intended.

This makes for an ideal transition to share where I learned to develop a nervous system that allowed me to cover that much change in my life. It was during the countless and seemingly endless hours of tracing school figures that I developed the skill of mindfulness. Compulsory school figures are the backbone of the sport and one of the most mindfulness training grounds that I know. Meditation came along much, much later in my life. School figures are where it all began for me and they were a requirement until 1991, until then you were not considered a figure skater without having trained school figures. 

School figures are to a skater what barr work is to a ballet dancer. Without the barr, you are left with no foundation for classical dancing. Without figures…well, the sport is now without school figures. This means the sport had to change and experience the uncertainty and growing pains of transition. I was coaching when figure requirements ended and something new had to become our version of barr work. A group of coaches; several of whom were mine, a number of judges; some of whom are my contemporaries, and a pool of skaters; one of whom later became my student, developed Moves in the Field. I was invited to co-author the book of standards for the new discipline that replaced figures and ushered in a new type of skating athlete. Enter in deepening the concept of cross-training. 

Transitions

As I became known as the MovesMaster demonstrating, coaching, mentoring coaches, and setting standards for judging them, my skills as a coach became known as well as my writing ability. Eventually, I found myself writing my own column in an international figure skating magazine and coaching on the Olympic level. I’m reminded of a lyric from The Talking Heads – Once in a Lifetime, “How did I get here?” It is a sentiment I thought of often as I transitioned in and out of a professional acting career that is still alive today. I recorded a book on tape, did voice-over work, and appeared in the global television special, “Ice Capades with Kirk Cameron.” 

Most of the professional skating experience I’ve had came after owning a chocolate manufacturing company; initially intended to financially support my skating. That business was what signaled my eventual retirement from the food industry. In each of the many professional roles I’ve had, I learned countless life and business lessons along the way. It finally inspired me to earn an academic MBA to go along with learning business on the job.

Navigating smoothly through transitions can help you Gain an Advantage.

“Mindfulness is about being fully awake in our lives. It is about perceiving the exquisite vividness of each moment. We also gain immediate access to our own powerful inner resources for insight, transformation, and healing.” – Jon Kabat-Zinn

Embarking on a transition journey is navigating uncharted waters, filled with uncertainties and complexities. In times of change, finding inner balance and clarity becomes paramount. That’s where meditation can be an invaluable ally. 

Whether you’re facing a career shift, a relationship change, or any other aspect of life that sets you on a transition course in life, meditation offers a sanctuary of peace and insight. 

I’ve seen a great deal of change in my life including having grown up and lived in three different cities in Texas and two different cities in Colorado. I’ve spent over a decade in Massachusetts, and nearly a decade in Washington state, traveled the world, and now reside in New York City. I’ve lived through numerous transitions from one aspect of my life to another and I’ve developed a mindfulness practice that allows me to be where I am in my life today – grounded. 

Engage me to support you in transitioning through whatever changes you face in your life. Having earned the Registered Life Planning designation, RLP®, I have an insightful way to help you begin planning a transition rather than meeting it as a deer in the headlights might!