Change Factors

Posted on by Byron Darden
Fear of Change by Byron Darden

The fear of change, known as metathesiophobia or neophobia, is the discomfort or anxiety people feel when they anticipate alterations in their familiar environment or routines. It’s a common human reaction as change often brings uncertainty and the unknown, causing unease.

This fear can appear in different ways, from mild discomfort to intense anxiety. When we fear change, we may resist or avoid new elements in our lives or systems of which we are a part. We may be driven by a desire to maintain the current state because we fear negative outcomes.

The fear of change is a complex emotion influenced by personal experiences, personality traits, cultural background, indoctrination, and the nature of the change itself. Understanding and addressing this fear is crucial for personal development, organizational management, and societal progress since change is a constant and inevitable part of life.

This fear of the unknown is often rooted in various factors:

  • Stepping Outside one’s comfort zone: A key principle in my coaching as I’ve been coaching clients to do this for over 20 years. Learning from years of examples too numerous to count, I’ve discovered that doing so allows us to grow and develop new skills, ways of thinking, and approaches to problem-solving. Stirring things up serves as a path through transitions. 
  • Loss of control is a fascinating concept given the only thing we have control of is our response to life as it happens. Even though I know this all too well, I still get caught up in the ‘need to control’ mindset which I find is an ineffective use of time and energy.
  • Fear of failure can stop us mostly because of our belief that we are unworthy. Nothing could be further from the truth. It would be great to have the opportunity to sit down with a group of close friends and have them remind us why they are in our lives. Should failure be true, why would they stick around? I recall the 1991 movie Soapdish when Sally Field’s character, Maggie, the actress, conspired with one of her friends to go to the local mall and pretend to be a fan who spots her on the escalator, making a big deal about the star being out in public. It was a boost to her ego and emotional grounding that afforded her the ability to return to her life with more confidence.
  • Lack of confidence is a constant companion we learn to shake over and over again. It is a process much like learning to figure skate or learning to meditate. It is through repetition that we learn to master whatever it is we wish to accomplish. It can be seen as a test of our ability to overcome discomfort. Yet the road to overcome discomfort is to feel the fear and do it anyway. Much the same way, we will find discomfort in healing and feel discomfort should we choose not to heal. Either way, there will be discomfort. The difference is how that discomfort will grow in negative ways should we choose not to heal. 
  • Break in routine or predictability is not easy for most of us. We find this in the patterns we develop neurologically as the synapses connect our patterns of thinking, behaving, speaking, and reacting to any one of these or all four.
  • Loss or change of social dynamics is something anyone experiences from time to time, particularly when we move from one geographical location to another. I know this for myself to be true as I’ve lived in nine different places in my life. 
  • Past trauma can trigger the fight, flight, freeze, fawn, or friend reactions. I urge you to explore our January 2024 blog on Trauma.
  • Cultural factors can play a role in adapting to change, especially when the change goes against our cultural norms.
  • Overwhelm is a recognized response to dealing with the fear that comes with the unknown. I speak to this in my November 2023 blog on Leadership and Resilience. What can be comforting in the midst of one’s overwhelm is the fact that the breakdowns we face when things get tough at the office or at home are evidence that a breakthrough is about to occur. When you think about it, our entire being is responding to what is happening to us. Which is significantly informed by our neurological patterns that sometimes send us down the rabbit hole of anxiety.
  • Uncertainty about the future is a concern for many of us . The best advice I can give here is to keep learning and growing and focus on the present while preparing for the future. Action might involve continuing education and networking to ensure you are aware of opportunities.
FACE YOUR FEARS

Click here to learn how to Reframe Your Beliefs.

Reframing Your Beliefs

Posted on by Byron Darden
Reframe by Byron Darden

Changing often involves rewriting the stories we’ve been told or lessons we’ve been taught. You’ve probably heard the saying “money doesn’t grow on trees”, meaning that there are finite financial resources and that you’ll need to work hard and say no to a lot of things and experiences to be successful in life when defined by the amount of money you have. This phrase limits your beliefs about abundance. Here are some more examples of well-known phrases and alternative ways to reframe these beliefs:

Instead of Consider This
At the end of the dayWhen the sun sets
Think outside the boxPush the walls of the box out
Bring to the tableShare your thoughts
Break down the silosWork together
Ducks in a rowCome prepared
Push the envelopeTest the limits
Pain PointChallenge
Circle BackLet’s Revisit This
Keep Me in the LoopProvide regular updates 
On my RadarIn my Focus

Reframing is a useful approach when you are feeling stuck. It allows you to imagine a larger variety of outcomes, and connect with others on a different level. Reframing allows you to shift from a mindset of judgment to one of curiosity. Once you get a different perspective on change, you can adapt to it more easily.

CHANGE YOUR PERSPECTIVE

Keep reading to discover ways to Reduce Stress.

Reducing Stress

Posted on by Byron Darden

There are coping skills based on evidence that we can draw upon to turn the tide, help us overcome the overwhelm, and get us back on track. Here are some suggestions. 

Just Breathe

Breathing exercises are a powerful way to combat what is getting in your way of recovery. Different ways of breathing can provide us with the stress reduction we need to help our thinking simply by reoxygenating the blood. Not just for our bodies, breathing techniques and also for our brains. Fresh oxygen to the brain helps clear the cloudiness and provides what our brain needs most. Shortness of breath can be a major factor in contributing to the overwhelm that leads to the fear of the unknown. 

Get Social

Expanding our social connections with others is another way to deal with what is happening to our being that can plague our performance. I know for myself that when I feel this way, I tend not to be as social. I’ve learned to change that mindset and get out among people. You might very well come across someone else who’s having a difficult time. Just because you made the effort and found them, the connection could be just what you both needed to heal. The old saying, ‘misery loves company’ is not my favorite way to look at it and yet, there is comfort in the sentiment considering how much more effectively we deal with anxiety when we discover we are not the only one. 

Trust Yourself

Demonstrating self-compassion is another antidote to overcome the sometimes debilitating impact of facing change. In my February 2022 blog on Restorative Self-Care, I map out ways you can develop your practice of self-compassion. 

Write it Out

Journaling is yet another useful tool in getting back on track. I urge all of my clients at the start of every coaching engagement to start and maintain a leadership journal. It is a powerful way to gain insight and support from within, from which all our needs can be met with a little practice and discipline. 

One of the most helpful ways to journal is not by typing, but rather by picking up a pen and paper. A direct connection between the body and heart comes from the physical act of writing, for which a keyboard relationship becomes a wall between you and your inner self. As much as I value my keyboard to write – when it comes to journaling, writing is a therapeutic activity in and of itself. 

LET’S CONNECT

Read about My Reaction to Change.

My Reaction to Change

Posted on by Byron Darden

I recall a time, not very long ago when I too experienced the temporary setback that comes from facing change and the unknown that accompanies it. I’d begun working on a certification to enhance my coaching when I discovered there was more to the curriculum than I originally thought. The process required much more time than I allotted. 

Not having had eyes on the extent of what I’d agreed to and thought I was finished with the coursework, I began working on my MBA. Weeks after the course began, I discovered I was nowhere near done with the first certification and now I had committed to the rigor of a Masters in Business Administration. In addition, I was also facing a huge marketing project for my coaching work and barely had time to sleep and study. By the time I finished my MBA, the coursework for the certification, and reached the halfway point of my marketing project, I hit rock bottom. I knew I had to implement some type of recovery plan. 

What did I do? 

I didn’t strike out for Disneyland! Instead, I dropped everything and decided to visit my family. 12 days of nothing except family and close family friends, I immersed myself in the familiar company of aunts, uncles, and cousins. Doing so did not help matters at work because I was getting further behind. Yet those twelve days made a huge difference in restoring my energy and providing me time for plenty of rest with high doses of relaxation and laughter. 

I was also planning a trip to Egypt that was thwarted by compromises I did not want to accept. Instead, I postponed my trip and went to France for a week with one of my cousins. Did that help me get ahead? No! Yet, by doing the unthinkable and getting away, I was able to return to work and sense a renewal of my spirit and energy that I desperately needed to cope. All of that to say, sometimes pushing forward is the most unproductive choice we can make when what we really need is a break.

WHAT’S YOUR STORY?

Discover the dynamics of moving from Judgment to Curiosity.

Judgment to Curiosity

Posted on by Byron Darden

According to a report by Gartner, 73% of change-affected employees experience moderate to high stress levels. Tools such as breathing, journaling, connecting with others, and developing a greater sense of compassion can alleviate stress. 

Over 80% of employees report difficulty with competing priorities during a change and struggle to find balance. This stress affects performance. Culture-informed judgment is one of the biggest factors to consider. In a nutshell, culture-informed judgment is the influence of one’s cultural background, values, and beliefs in the decision-making process.

Understanding the role of culture in judgment is crucial for fostering effective communication, collaboration, and mutual understanding among individuals from diverse backgrounds. It helps to recognize that what may be considered appropriate or rational in one culture might be perceived differently in another. Moreover, acknowledging cultural nuances in judgment can lead to more inclusive and respectful interactions.

This is where thoughtful transitions can help us manage change because a solid plan for how to get from the current state to the desired future state is established from the start. There are times when our plans are thwarted or interrupted. That is just a part of life. Our next step is to revisit our plan and make mindful adjustments to keep us moving on our desired path.

LET’S CREATE A PLAN

Find out how to embrace and Thrive Through Change.

Thrive Through Change

Posted on by Byron Darden

“Healing involves discomfort, but so does refusing to heal. And, over time, refusing to heal is always more painful.” -Resmaa Menakem

Our instinct when faced with a change is to react. A more effective action is to stop and take a moment to think about the change. By doing so, we allow ourselves to gain a deeper understanding of the situation, consider potential consequences, and make informed decisions rather than simply reacting on instinct alone.

Embracing change can be a transformative journey, and understanding its impact on your life is crucial. When you find yourself grappling with significant changes in your life and would like a supportive space to explore their effects, I encourage you to take the next step. 

Booking a call with me provides an opportunity for us to engage in a thoughtful conversation about the changes in your life, how those changes are affecting you and your career, and explore strategies to navigate them successfully. Your well-being is important, and a conversation can be the first step toward clarity and empowerment. Schedule a call, and let’s navigate this journey together.

BOOK A CALL

Founder’s Corner – January 2024

Posted on by Byron Darden

At some point or another we’ve all suffered from trauma. Be it at home or work.

In his book, My Grandmother’s Hands, Resmaa Menakem talks about racialized trauma and the pathway to mending our hearts and bodies.

As leaders, facing trauma in the workplace is not an easy thing. And yet the reality is we cannot expect to lead people effectively unless we are prepared to recognize how much of a role trauma plays in our professional lives.

Hi I’m Byron Darden with another installment of Leading with Purpose on Purpose

In our continuing series on Transitions we turn our attention to the Five Fs of Trauma, Fight, Flight Freeze, Flop, Friend

Join me as we explore challenges we face with trauma and the opportunities we have to deal with them. Enjoy!

The Unseen Struggle:  Understanding the Impact of Trauma on Workplace Performance

Posted on by Byron Darden

Leaders, despite their authoritative roles, are not immune to the impact of trauma.  Individuals in leadership positions may face additional challenges due to the expectations and responsibilities associated with their roles.  Trauma responses, such as fight or flight can compromise a leader’s decision-making abilities, interpersonal skills, and overall effectiveness.

Trauma can manifest itself in different ways, including self-perception, reactions, interpersonal communications, mental fatigue, and overall stress management.  

An individual’s ability to handle change and guide their subordinates is affected by the trauma they’ve endured.  As we continue our exploration into the impacts of change, we’ll examine how hidden traumas affect leadership ability and give you some concrete techniques to recognize how the trauma affects you and your performance in the workplace.

EXPLORE CHANGE

The Nature of Trauma

Posted on by Byron Darden

When you think of trauma, you might picture physical injuries. Trauma encompasses so much more. Trauma is the response to a shocking, distressing, or harmful situation.  Defined by the Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration, it is an emotional injury that affects performance and well-being. It could manifest itself in mental, psychological, or spiritual conflict. It’s important to note that trauma is very individualistic – what one considers trauma, another might consider a normal part of life. 

Trauma is most easily described as the aftermath we experience in our bodies, following a heightened state event in our lives, triggering the fight or flight response. It is that moment when we are faced with danger – evolutionarily known as when we are faced with possible inhalation or imminent danger to our lives – when we determine whether to fight that which is threatening our lives or recognize that the only other option is to run for our lives.

Typically our physiological response to these types of threats runs the gamut of experiencing shock, or disbelief. During such times we may find ourselves confused, our body temperature rises, and we begin to sweat. Our heart begins to pound. Our breathing rate increases. 

We typically experience muscle tension during such times. Perhaps you are about to have a challenging conversation with a direct report or even your boss. Or you may be about to deliver a high-stakes presentation and you feel your nerves raging with anxiety. Imagine how this would affect the muscles in your throat, impacting your speech as you speak! Sound familiar?  

The result of your voice cracking or straining when speaking could easily negatively impact your delivery. This is no time to have what scientists refer to as the Amygdala Hijack. Your cognitive function is overridden and your only consideration is to survive. 

Even more so when faced with the trauma of mergers, acquisitions, and layoffs, the uncertainty in the workplace caused by COVID, and racial tension that triggered a deep pain like a bandaid being ripped off a scar dating back to 1619. That was the beginning of a social upheaval that expanded from fight or flight to the five hardwired Fs of trauma: fight, flight, freeze, flop, and fawn. It’s imperative that we recognize the severity of the impact of trauma in the workplace. 

  • Fight: physical fighting, pushing, struggling, and verbal assault.
  • Flight: choosing to put a distance between you and danger, running away, hiding out of sight, or backing away from the situation.
  • Freeze: becoming tense, very still, and silent. Commonly the reaction to rape and sexual violence. Frozen in fear is not consensual, it is an instinctive survival response. The freeze response is an animal’s potential avoidance of fights e.g. ‘play dead’ to minimize the interest of the predator.
  • Flop: much like freezing, the difference is muscle flaccidity. This is an automatic reaction that can reduce the physical pain of what’s happening to you. Your mind shuts down in self-protection mode.
  • Friend: locate a ‘friend’ or bystander for support, by shouting or screaming, ‘befriending’ the dangerous person; placating, negotiating, bribing, or pleading. 

Trauma is not just from what happens in the office. It is also what happens outside the office that employees bring with them to the workplace. It is those issues that come up in everyone’s life that are virtually impossible to avoid allowing the impact to play out wherever we are, in some form or fashion. The workplace is no exception.

It is the loss of a parent or spouse that we must face. The issues that come up with our children that haunt us in the office. When the school calls letting you know that little Johnny is acting up in class. Or little Suzy had her first period and got laughed at or bullied by classmates. It’s the failed relationship that we endure. Or the job we are in that we hate and cannot seem to find a way out. 

These moments define your leadership and impact your reactions to the conflicting priorities of the job. This can trigger the mindset of ‘business as usual’, get over it, and get it done. Or weigh the possibility that a team member is reacting to past trauma at the moment and needs an empathetic leader.

RECOGNIZE AND TAKE ACTION

The Unseen Impact of Trauma

Posted on by Byron Darden

When your team does encounter conflicting priorities between personal issues and business deadlines, consider what could be going on that contributes to job performance. There are many ways in which we are triggered by a comment from someone. Or a disagreeable body gesture from another. There are infinitely greater stressors we face that need to be met, so take a step back to consider how fast-paced life is now more than ever before. 

The reality is that the fight or flight response is there to protect us. Without it, we would not have evolved as the human species we are today. From our time as cavemen, we would not have survived and evolved into our current existence without that amygdala protecting us from the threat of everyday life we have today. We would be extinct already and replaced in the ecosystem.

No one wants to experience an amygdala hijack. Do they? Why would you want to experience all that comes with it unless you might be a thrill seeker? I admit, I love roller coasters and a similar feeling is had when experiencing the rush of adrenaline that goes along with such rides. Yet, when it comes to my day-to-day, seeking thrills is not my first focus. Relaxation and calm are what I desire most.

The contemporary lives we lead now are no match for what our ancestors, cavemen faced with animals ready to pounce on them at a moment’s notice. Yet, we still react to that prehistoric, roughly almond-shaped mass of gray matter at the base of our brainstem, that alerts us of lurking danger. The difference is that danger now comes in the form of someone losing their temper with us, causing us to respond aggressively. 

The coworker insists on talking to you when you are trying to concentrate, which triggers you to shout back at them. Consider your reaction when someone on the subway bumps you yet again when your fuse is already short, the weather is hot, you’re tired and frustrated and you’ve had enough! Then you lash out. Or the way a person is looking at you or something about them reminds you of the time you were molested or attacked. A flood of memories overtakes you and your reaction may seem foreign to others who do not share your reference to a violent act in your past.

These are some of the ways we experience that moment when our cognitive function is overridden and we react in such a way that could be avoided. Suppose we had another way to stop or reverse the fight or flight response and choose a different path.

Recognizing the impact of trauma in the workplace is crucial for fostering a supportive and inclusive professional environment. Employees’ mental and emotional well-being directly affects their productivity, engagement, and overall job satisfaction. Ignoring the effects of trauma can lead to or compound difficulties in the workplace.

Leadership positions come with added responsibilities and stressors. Trauma can have a profound impact on leaders, affecting their ability to make decisions, manage teams, and maintain a positive organizational culture. Leaders who experience trauma may also face challenges in balancing personal well-being with professional obligations.

Some of these areas affected by trauma include:

  • Decision-making – Leaders are expected to make timely and effective decisions, and trauma may hinder this ability, resulting in missed opportunities.
  • Team dynamics – Leaders may struggle to provide the necessary support and guidance to their teams.
  • Organizational culture – Leaders are the face of the organization and their behavior guides the culture of the organization.  They may portray an image with unintentional consequences.

An individual who is striving for a leadership position may lack confidence or even unwittingly sabotage their chances at a role and become baffled by their own behavior.  A coach, therapist, and self-exploration provide valuable insights.

GAIN INSIGHTS