Author: Byron Darden

Building Relationships

Posted on by Byron Darden

You may be all too familiar with the saying: Life happens when we are busy making plans. I once worked with a client to create a Life Plan. This client shared with me their reluctance to plan ahead, stating, “I want to stay open to the unexpected that is bound to happen. So why punish myself by planning ahead when I know something is bound to arise that causes me to throw out my plans because the unexpected happened leaving me to change my course anyway.” You may ask yourself – Why bother?

For over 50 years I’ve been steeped in consulting, which has taught me the value of formulating a plan so that course correcting takes less time and energy than starting from scratch when Mother Nature has her way with your plans.

Any time I stumble onto an unexpected set of circumstances, it is my resilient mindset that allows me to develop a client solution that I believe will make all the difference in solving my client’s problem.

Sure, there will be unknowns to consider. Yet, the basis of planning is the ART of determining how to approach a problem, figuring out the best tools and techniques to resolve the problem, and then demonstrating how to release the tension that was created when the problem presented itself, so we become more flexible to move through a similar reoccurrence the next time. I’ve come to learn that there will be a next time!

REACH OUT

Meeting Others Where They Are

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When I was a young boy growing up in San Antonio, Texas, my father took me with him to Austin where he worked as a state attorney. I had the honor of meeting the late Barbara Jordan, the first African American elected to the Texas Senate who invited me to be an honorary page. I had no idea what a page did; I was just excited to have a day away from school and hang out with my dad in the state’s capital.

We are making our way to the capital building on State Street in Austin. My dad and I are standing on a street corner waiting for the light to change. My dad is a big man. He’s tall and dark. People say he’s handsome. He’s also a person who easily can be scary looking at first sight. You notice him when he walks into a room. The kind of person who gets attention without saying a word. He strikes up a conversation with another man also waiting to cross the street. For those who are unaware, back then it was illegal to cross the street when the walk light blazed red, “Don’t Walk.”

As my dad stands with the posture of former military, he and another man begin to talk. I don’t pay much attention to what they are saying. I am feeling the warm sun as my eyes dart up and down the street, watching cars go by, and people all dressed up. So glad I get to miss a day of school. Suddenly I heard my dad’s voice. “This is my son Byron”, I hear my dad’s base baritone voice rumble from above my head. It is as though heaven opens and God speaks my name to get my attention. I am 7- or 8-years-old. A chubby, soon-to-be a Weblow Scout. We shop in the husky department at Sears for all my pants. That‘s the only place that has pants I can wear. I’m not all that comfortable in my own skin. Not like my dad.

“Shake the man’s hand,” Dad’s voice thunders. I slowly stretch out my hand as I look down to the ground. “Look the man in the eye when you shake his hand,” I hear my dad’s voice again. I slowly lift my head, looking up at a man. I don’t know him. Trying to remember how I know him. I feel a little scared inside. He’s a stranger. I don’t speak to strangers. I can hardly wait to leave the corner. Just my dad and me.

After a few moments, the light turns green. The man walks one way. Dad and I go another. “Who is that man Daddy?” I ask lots of questions, as usual, wondering what the answer will be. “I don’t know,” he replies. I am surprised that my dad does the very thing my mother and he warn me not to do; speak to strangers. Confusing! This is my earliest memory of building relationships. “You just talk to a man on the street you don’t know?”

What I learned from that experience is that there are exceptions to rules. First, you learn what the rules are. So that by the time you choose to break them, you’ve built the confidence in your resilience to face the consequences.

Today, just as my father demonstrated, I’ll talk to just about anyone on just about any topic without hesitation. It was a long road to travel to get comfortable enough to speak to people. Let alone strangers. Today, no one is a stranger to me once I introduce myself and engage them.

How did I overcome the fear of speaking to people? Years as a musical theater actor exposed me to all types of characters, playing all types of roles and having a director tell me, “Think of everyone in the first row sitting there in their underwear. How can you be nervous when you are on stage fully dressed!” Or my mother’s encouragement, “They put on their pants just like you do; one leg at a time. No need to be afraid of people.”

GAIN CONFIDENCE

Leadership and Resilience: Bouncing Back from Setbacks

Posted on by Byron Darden

Think about a time when things didn’t go quite as planned.  It could be something as small as missing the bus to work. Or something bigger – like preparing weeks for a presentation and once you got up in front of the group, they changed the parameters, scraped the project, or completely rejected your ideas. 

We’ve all been there. Recently, I had a family emergency that required travel across the country. My priorities were not questioned; however, the trip threw my business life into a tailspin – missed classes, calls, invoices, and deadlines. Once I shifted my focus back to business and checked my emails and texts, I experienced what could have felt like overwhelmed, making me want to crawl up into a ball and go to sleep. It turned out to be a time of great learning and inspiration to write this month’s blog.

Bouncing back from setbacks, whether due to self-imposed expectations, the guilt of disappointing others, or losing a client or a job, is a test of your resilience.

LET’S CONNECT

Founder’s Corner

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Bouncing back as a leader has never been more timely a topic as it is for me in this present moment.

“It’s 2:40pm on a week day afternoon. I just boarded my plane after missing an earlier flight because I arrived at the gate too late. Too late to board my flight that left 10 minutes earlier than scheduled. I’ve had a challenging week already and this is how it comes to a close. As though I haven’t already stumbled my way through a week of setbacks. Extending a three hour travel day into a ten hour one brings me to recognize the universe is telling me to make a change.”

Hi I’m Byron Darden welcoming you to the latest edition of Leading with Purpose on Purpose. In this installment my focus is on dealing with setbacks. We all have them and we all have stories about how some setbacks we overcame while others, well, not so much.

It seems not so long ago I learned the valuable lesson that a setback, often referred to as a breakdown is what happens right before a breakthrough. Now when I experience a breakdown of some kind, I’m reminded that a breakthrough is on the horizon.

I also discovered five simple tips to overcoming setbacks. First and foremost, acknowledge it. We’re not immune to setbacks. Therefore recognize them so you can begin transforming them into the breakthrough up ahead. Second, rather than succumb to the blame game, focus that energy on how to move forward. Third, while everyone may have a different approach, mine is to ground myself in my spirituality. It is through my faith that I have been able to see beyond whatever setback I’m facing. Fourth, one of my greatest challenges is to allow time for the wounds of setbacks to heal.

5 TIPS TO OVERCOME SETBACKS

Develop Your Presence

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“I had to adapt my presence and develop it in a way that really exuded leadership.”
– Muriel Maignan Wilkins

Leadership presence comes naturally to very few.  You might be surprised to learn that 98% of leaders must take steps to develop executive presence.  Persistent work, often with the help of an executive presence coach, can bring noticeable results within weeks and a significant transformation in as little as a few months.  An individual approach emphasizes your strengths and pinpoints areas for improvement.  Continuous fine-tuning of executive-presence qualities keeps you sharp and able to meet challenges head-on.  Want to learn more?  Book a one-on-one session to find out how.

LET’S HAVE A CONVERSATION

The Elevator Pitch

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An elevator pitch is a three to four-sentence summary that you can use to get someone interested in an idea, product, company, or what you have to offer. It can garner attention and open the doors to possibilities.

When I first began developing my elevator pitch back in 2015, when someone would ask: What do you do? My response went something like this…

“You know how someone who wants to go into business, might begin by earning an MBA? They would master creating and administering some type of business. Yet, not every MBA is as focused on the people side of a business. I help business leaders master the people side of an organization. It is the most underdeveloped, least attended to, and by far the most challenging aspect of a business.”

Evidence of that is the advent of artificial intelligence. Who needs to deal with people with AI at their fingertips? The thing about AI is it physically only requires your fingertips, jamming away on that keyboard, cranking out code to get what looks like a person, sounds like a person, seemingly responds like a person, and isn’t a person at all.

A slightly different and to-the-point elevator pitch I developed painted a picture of great necessity:

“While a business-minded person may go to college to earn an MBA to learn how to start a successful business, they come to me to learn how to keep the lights on in that business.”

WHAT’S YOUR PITCH?

Set Yourself Apart

Posted on by Byron Darden

Leadership Presence is the factor that sets a great leader apart from their peers.  According to a study by the think-tank Coqual, executive presence accounts for 26% of what it takes to get promoted into leadership positions.  Furthermore, 67% of senior executives feel that executive presence is a top factor when evaluating high-potential employees for advancement.

Two candidates working at the same company with MBAs from top schools, equal years of experience, and an impressive track record of results.  The difference comes down to leadership presence. 

  • Which candidate takes command of the room or a meeting just by showing up?
  • Which candidate listens, learns, and then makes informed, thoughtful, confident choices?
  • Which candidate has earned the respect of their colleagues and the public?
  • Which candidate strives to better themselves?

Everything else being equal, the platform skills make a difference.

When choosing someone for a leadership position, the words confident, decisive, and commanding come to mind.  When you want to exude these qualities, here’s one bit of insight:

Consider the avoidance of following up a statement with the word “but…” It negates whatever was said prior and tends to create a sensation of withdrawal and a sense of dread. No matter what the grammar rules may lead us to believe that the word is absolutely appropriate in some settings, the impact of the word can feel like a punch in the gut for the listener.

WHAT MAKES YOU UNIQUE?

Change Your Mindset

Posted on by Byron Darden

Progressing from “position to pinnacle” is no easy task.  Even born leaders need to become fully aware of their mindset and actions.  Looking honestly at where you are and where you wish to be often uncovers traits to improve.  Instead of looking at an activity beyond your job description, consider how performing the task could benefit your perception.  Turn a mundane task into an opportunity to showcase your talents.

Move Away FromMove Toward
Death by PowerPointMasterful Platform Skills
Telling People What to DoInspiring People to Do
Autocratic Leadership StyleCoaching Leadership Style
Being GuardedBeing Vulnerable
InauthenticityAuthenticity
  • Think about how you respond and are perceived by your leaders.  When you are asked to make a presentation, use the opportunity to practice your platform skills instead of reading and flipping through a mundane PowerPoint presentation.
  • When your team is assigned a project, structure the tasks in an inspiring way rather than just telling your team what to do.
  • Act as a coach instead of just the boss.
  • Be your authentic self with your team; demonstrate your vulnerable side through stories with a teachable point of view.

Reaching the leadership pinnacle is not just about your actions, it is also about your mindset. How you see situations based on your core values, consciously or subconsciously, affects the outcome. Many leaders use what Roger Schwartz calls a “unilateral control” mindset, trying to achieve goals by trying to control the situation. 

When you use this type of thinking, you assume you are correct, and those who disagree with you are incorrect.  When they disagree with your approach or decisions, they may not understand the variables. Problems are inevitable because of the actions of others. Not yours! 

There are perceived benefits in unilateral thinking, including the fact that you often win while acting rationally and keeping unpleasant feelings out of the conversation.  These may come at a risk to the process.  You risk alienating team members and creating an environment where there is less enthusiasm for the project.  You may not hear valuable feedback your team has to offer.

A better approach is called Mutual Learning, whereby you are curious, transparent, accountable, make informed choices, and use compassion.  Leaders work with their teams to achieve results by listening to and incorporating feedback.

EXPLORE YOUR MINDSET

Value and Worth

Posted on by Byron Darden

According to Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs, the fourth point on the pyramid is the need to be recognized.  Here’s where becoming a leader may play a part in fulfilling this need.  After all, when someone becomes a leader, they expect others to hold them in a higher esteem. 

When a person rises through the ranks at a rapid pace or fails to develop the right mindset, those who are supposed to look up to them may not respond in the way the leader expects. The leader has not earned their place and has a greater challenge to earn their respect.  The development of mindset happens way before the pinnacle of success. 

Here’s a typical example I often hear:  Employees expressing their displeasure at being asked to do something outside their job description.  They say things such as, “That’s not my job. I’m not working for free and doing their dirty work, just because they think they can get away with it! I won’t allow myself to be abused.”  We must take care of ourselves and not allow the boss to abuse us with unpaid work, unappreciated effort, and unfair responsibilities that can sabotage the quality of the work we produce. That said, playing it safe does not earn promotions.

Waiting for the promotion before you demonstrate you can succeed at the role is working backward. That mindset will not move you forward.

By contrast, to earn a promotion, you must demonstrate your value to the organization before you apply.  Work to stand apart from the pack by demonstrating your leadership ability and mastery.  Instead of waiting for a job opening and trying to convince management that you are the best candidate, exhibit behaviors showing management they do not need to post a job unless that is an established protocol within the organization.

When we work to stand out from the pack by demonstrating our ability and mastery in leading, we are more apt to gain the promotion associated with those skills. Be the likely choice, and you’ll become the likely candidate.

MASTER YOUR LEADERSHIP ABILITIES

The Unpaved Path

Posted on by Byron Darden

Like climbing a mountain, the path to the top is neither straight nor free of obstacles.  It takes hard work, the ability to change and adapt, and the right mindset.  There are measurable markers along the way.

According to John Maxwell, in his book by the same name, there are five basic levels of leadership:

  1. Position – A person has been asked to manage a team.  This person might be considered a boss. They have the title and the subordinates. They can enforce rules and regulations. Yet, they may not have developed the leadership skills that cause them to be effective.
  2. Permission – This person begins to develop trust and respect from their team.  This is the start of leadership, where you build relationships and connections and start to develop influence.
  3. Production – This leader builds a cohesive team that gets things done.  They produce results for the organization while handling challenging situations.  At this point, true leaders start to emerge.
  4. People Development – This leader nurtures and mentors their team members, developing them into future leaders through observation, feedback loops and coaching.
  5. Pinnacle – Leaders at this level have mastered skills at the lower levels and are crucial figures in the entire organization’s success and even the industry.  They create opportunities for others and leave a legacy.  “Pinnacle leaders stand out from everyone else. They are a cut above, and they seem to bring success with them wherever they go.”

The pinnacle of leadership presence is the most successful point. Who you are and what it represents commands the respect of others.  You have the opportunity for fulfillment as you successfully establish a vision, live as an example that inspires others, and serve to achieve goals.

Reaching the pinnacle level requires much more than an MBA and hard skills; it involves taking risks and setting yourself apart through any number of ways.

LET’S TALK