Recognize Your Emotions and Use Them to Your Advantage

Have you stopped to think about how emotionally intelligent you are? To determine where you need to progress in this topic, it’s essential to know where you are now. While I do not personally endorse a particular program, there are several quizzes available online that will determine your emotional intelligence baseline.

This article references five quizzes, ranging from very short to more involved.

Did you know that there are 34,000 defined emotions? Should you have trouble expressing yourself and are confused about defining your emotions, a tool such as Plutchik’s Wheel of Emotions can help. Dr. Robert Plutchik defined eight primary emotions: joy, sadness, acceptance, disgust, fear, anger, surprise, and anticipation. These emotions can be further clarified throughout the wheel. Understanding how these emotions interact with each other leads to a better understanding of how we react.

Fact-Based Emotions

Tasha Eurich, an organizational psychologist, found that out of 95% of people who think they are self-aware, only 10-15% demonstrate awareness traits.

While we recommend thinking before speaking and not going off the emotional deep end, sometimes getting a little worked up can get results. Own up to your questionable choices and errors – you are human, and admitting your challenges often results in respect.

Continuing to grow as a leader is your purpose. Just keep in mind that it’s not always a smooth path. Since stepping into the world of leadership development, my mission has been to help female executives navigate the corporate path. Along the way, I’ve discovered the importance of emotional intelligence among leaders. Visit the blog at www.byrondarden.com for resources, tips, and tricks to navigate the changing workplace situations. While there, take the leadership styles quiz and then make an appointment with me to discuss your unique situation. Together we can bridge the gap between emotions and leadership.

Recognizing and Dealing with Systemic Racism

What began as a school leadership development program ended with the question of how to eliminate systemic racism in a public school system. While this issue was top of mind for quite some time, I’d yet to find an opportunity to address it. Having a long history of experiencing the presence of inequality during my own formative years as a student, no one needed to caution me that this was a volatile conversation to raise. I elected to remain quiet, sighting that, like mastering figure skating in which timing means everything, calling out structured racism may fracture relationships rather than build them.

Instead, the topic was brought into sharper focus from within the pedagogical world of education. This particular occasion inspired me to take notice that the time had finally come for us to give voice to the silent past and raise awareness of the loud approaching future. As I see them, the facts are, that virtually all structured organizations inherited this issue through generations. The institution of education cannot escape. Eventually, the topic would surface, and I looked forward to one day creating the space to open what feels similar to an old war chest left forgotten in a musty attic to be discovered by someone willing to call foul and allow the unpleasant smell to be aired out for all to become aware.

Considering my work coaching executive women, I’m well aware that primary and secondary educators are historically female. Thus, the backbone of education is low salaries and high expectations, where women are often marginalized. I see power struggles and people staying in their plight. I witness the emotions and circumstances that often trigger the ills of racism to rise up like a rainbow after a rainstorm. Only it’s not as pretty a sight as the diversity of color we think of following rain showers. Here is yet another institution where women struggle to find their place and deal with the challenges of an environment where racism and sexism rises to meet their makers. This confrontation leaves people historically excluded from society to defend themselves with less than adequate means.

Defining Systemic Racism

I recently held a Masterclass on the topic, encouraging educators of a public school system to attend. We started by talking about the systemic nature of racism. It will help to explain the context of systemic racism. We hear it in the news and in conversations quite a bit. We hear the demand that systemic racism needs to end, yet what does that mean? NAACP President Derrick Johnson defines it as “systems and structures that have procedures or processes that disadvantage African Americans.” The president of Race Forward defines it as “the complex interaction of culture, policy, and institutions that holds in place the outcomes we see in our lives.” Read more.

While it is not a new concept, it has been brought to light in the past fifty years. Our country was built on certain principles that haven’t been fair to certain members of society. Remember that while our country was founded in 1776, slavery wasn’t abolished until 1865, women didn’t achieve the right to vote until 1920, and the Civil Rights Movement gained momentum in the 1960s. While putting these rights into the Constitution was a start, agreement with these actions was not unanimous.

The United States is a country composed of individual ideas and long traditions. Our beliefs and values are ingrained over generations, and they are difficult to change overnight. We struggle to be compassionate and understanding human beings. We may not realize our actions affect others. This is where awareness and education begin. Communication strategies and leadership tips spark dialog and ease the feelings of not being heard.

Systemic Racism vs. Oppression

To gain a deeper understanding of the systemic nature of racism, I’ve found that differentiating racism and oppression is an important distinction. We likely know what overt racism is. We cringe when we read history books that didn’t allow people of color to use the same drinking fountain or come to the public library. We agree that it’s discriminatory to decline someone’s employment because of their skin color. When we misspeak or mistreat someone, we might be ignorant of cultures and discover it necessary to correct our actions when it is pointed out to us. Yes, there are exceptions to these established norms, and I believe in the goodness of human nature. Yet, sometimes we need reminders.

Oppression, by contrast, means to be pressed down. It is a particular person or group being put in an unjust or cruel situation by a person of authority. It is a practice rooted in tradition that we can strive to end. When it is intentional, there are legal means of ending the behavior. When oppression is unintentional, each person can respond in ways that educate without judgment. This is where power comes back to the individual or group, and this is where we start. Simple and powerful tools are at your fingertips. Click the button below and schedule a time to connect with me to determine how we can put those tools in your executive toolkit.

The Power of Action

A discussion of systemic racism and oppression is vital for our society to advance. When one person or even a whole group of people feels disadvantaged, power struggles start to ensue.

A meeting takes place, and the group leader looks for new ideas. Ideally, all ideas are heard and debated, and participants listen and respond without bias.

When group members have unconscious biases, other members might feel shy in responding or think to themselves – “my ideas are never received, so I’m just going to nod and keep quiet.” Soon, this person feels a lack of belonging and purpose, and their work suffers. This feeling might perpetuate in home life or their encounters with other members. Soon, one seemingly small action in the meeting room has taken on the butterfly effect.

Every action we take has an effect. This is why this discussion is of the utmost importance.

Can You Relate?

In a workshop recently, a participant bravely spoke up and shared her story. Over the years in her job, she has experienced difficulties adapting to the culture of her workplace. Not wanting to “rock the boat,” she kept quiet. She needed her job and enjoyed the work for the most part. That said, she wasn’t thriving.

As a result, she started to show up ready for a fight. By her own omission, she would show up at work with walls built up, ready to defend herself against any perceived oppression. She was afraid to speak up and tell her truth, and her emotions couldn’t be contained.

Keep in mind that one of the leading causes of illness is stress! Bottling up those feelings takes its toll on your physical body, emotions, and spirit; it can also severely affect your health. It took some soul-searching and courage to speak up finally. 

The advice I would give this participant is to open themselves up to the possibilities of change within themselves. Show up with authenticity and pay attention to what has heart and meaning. Do the work and tell their truth without blame and judgment. Be open to the outcome without the attachment we tend to have out of the desire to avoid change. When confronted with a situation, remind yourself that it is not a competition with others; it is a chance for us to show the world our best self. Once we get out of our own way, there is a silver lining in virtually every situation in which we find ourselves once we stop and observe.

Take the First Step

Finding yourself in an oppressive situation is uncomfortable. You can take steps to reclaim your power and speak your truth. Here are a couple of tools:

RACE Tool

  • Respond to others as you would in your own reality. Respect their beliefs and accept them as they are.
  • Ask how you can be of service. Give the situation and the other person your full attention and be present.
  • Care about what you say and how you say it. Think about how your words impact others.
  • Empathize with others by acknowledging their words authentically. Make it your mission to inspire positive action in others.

Tips for Leaders

Finding your truth means recognizing and speaking up when your gut tells you things are unfair. Oppression is fought one small action at a time. Do not shrink because it makes others feel comfortable.

Speak up when someone attacks your dignity; bring awareness to the situation that their actions are not acceptable. Remaining quiet when a person limits your access to fair treatment or equal opportunity sends the message that you are okay with their behavior. When you experience a sexist remark, an antisemitic indiscretion, or a sexual advance, file a formal complaint. If a person routinely interrupts during a meeting, address the behavior immediately.

When employing either of these tools, take a moment to ensure that you see the complete picture and use the opportunity to create education and understanding.

Speak Your Truth

It takes courage to stand up and speak your truth when faced with oppression. A study by the Harvard Business Review states that only 1.4% of employees blow the whistle on wrongdoings. Read more.

There is a chance of repercussions, harassment, loss of your job, and worse.

When facing oppression, build your network and find your allies. Use your network to expand your horizons, as well as find groups to work together to enact change.

As a leader, you have opportunities for change:

  • Retool the way your organization handles complaints. Reporting tools need to protect the victim and allow group reporting.
  • Make employees feel comfortable by building a culture of safety that focuses on tolerance, tone, and a lack of judgment.
  • Let employees know that behaviors will not be tolerated and action will be fair and just.
  • Follow up with actions to support your claim.

Above all, stand up to a situation that makes you question your self-worth. Take steps to rectify a destructive situation or explore alternative options. Use your network for support or new opportunities.

Begin Now

Systemic racism and oppression are not easy issues to tackle. They are often hot issues that cause strong reactions. These are issues that have been around for a long time, and it will take time and perseverance to change the narrative.

While it feels good to lash out at others when we feel oppressed, first take a look at your actions and reactions and see where you can move the needle in a positive direction. The power is within you.

“To bring about change, you must not be afraid to take the first step. We will fail when we fail to try.”
– Rosa Parks

I personally invite you to join my network of strong women focused on goals of equity and inclusion. We work to end oppression in the workplace and give you the tools needed to use your voice. Head on over to www.byrondarden.com and find out your leadership style. Click the button below to schedule a time with me to discuss how I might best support you. We can discuss your unique situation and empower you to use your voice literally and figuratively.