Inclusion is a powerful concept that, when experienced, is felt by the receiver and the giver. An example of this springs to mind from my 30 years of coaching female figure skaters. Parents often acknowledged their tendency to live vicariously through their children’s success as though it fulfills a shortcoming in their lives. This leads to making the skater feel less important. Left out. It occurred to me that it can be just as easy for coaches to do the same with their students. At that moment, I chose to self-examine whether or not I, too, had fallen prey to living through my students’ success to feed my own unmet desires in the sport.

So I changed my approach by clearly asking what my students’ goals were, providing guidance and insight about what they could expect. Then I crafted a step-by-step structure in service to my students’ transformation in the sport by achieving their goals. Once I changed my mindset, I coached from a place of supporting my students’ goals based on what They wanted. When they fell short of moving through the structure, it was no longer me falling short; it was now my role to bring this to their attention as examples of what was getting in the way of what They wanted. I no longer questioned whether or not I set expectations for my students to meet. My focus was on helping them develop accountability for their expectations of themselves. Their success. Choosing to be a winner belonged to them, empowering both themselves as athletes and me as coach.