Author: Byron Darden

Try This

Posted on by Byron Darden

To cultivate the art of listening in your daily interactions, try the following exercise:

The next time someone initiates a conversation without explicitly seeking your attention, pause and acknowledge the need to prepare to listen fully. Say something like, “Hold on just a moment so I can give you my full attention.” Cease any ongoing activities and, if feasible, adjust your body to make eye contact with the speaker. Take a deep breath, exhale fully, and pause for a beat before inviting the speaker to continue. Notice the impact of this intentional shift in your listening approach. Capture what you experience in your executive journal and look for opportunities to improve. 

Here’s an analogy that may help explain the passage of time in a conversation:

A beat in the theater is half a second. This measure of time is based on musical theory in that it takes 120 beats per minute to pass, the timing you’d most likely experience in a pop song. That may sound very technical and it is. This information also demonstrates the science of timing used to calculate the passage of time that will be most realistic in what is happening on stage when watching an actor perform their role.

Another helpful tool to consider when practicing your listening skills is:

Listen without focusing on what you want to say next. Instead, remain fully present with the person speaking and allow your full attention to truly grasp what the other person is and is not sharing. This usually requires us to hear the other person out. Then take the time (perhaps several beats) to weigh what you just heard. Then follow up with a guttural, pause, and/or a deep breath. Then when you respond, focus on what has been shared rather than moving forward with what you wish to add. You’ll be amazed at how quickly you will gain the other person’s attention, trust, and regard.

Case in Point: I recently was meeting with clergy to discuss ways and offerings the church could consider adopting to build greater community with its congregation. I suggested deep listening without an agenda because of the powerful impact on the speaker and the listener. My thoughts were appreciated and taken into serious consideration. During the conversation, another thought, not completely related to the conversation, occurred to me that felt important to add. Instead of breaking my own rule about listening without an agenda, I kept the comment to myself. Later in the day, the moderator who asked the question took a greater interest in my work and shared their wish to learn more. I deepened my relationship at that moment by keeping my additional thoughts to myself.

In that moment I got to see my approach in action and experience the power of keeping my mouth shut about what more I wanted to add. Now I have made a note about the additional insight that I will save until another time.

Lesson learned: I’ve given myself another reason to return to another conversation and cement in the mind of the clergy that I had more value to add…next time!

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Keep reading to learn more about the Power of Listening.

Power of Listening

Posted on by Byron Darden

When I was developing my listening skills to earn the RLP® designation, I was struck by the power that my listening had on my partner. While I have been developing my listening and different types of listening over the years, I’ve continually learned so much about the nuance of listening that I’m amazed at how much more there is to learn. During my training, a story was shared with the group that really landed for me. It involved a husband and wife who attended a function during which the husband decided to just bring his acute listening skills to his interactions with other attendees. He shared how he moved around the room and focused on just his listening skills. He spoke little and simply listened and demonstrated his listening through body language and by being completely present with each person with whom he spoke.

When the couple prepared to leave the function, guests were so enamored with him that they were all excited about this incredible guest they met and wanted to meet again. He went with no agenda and only the goal of being a good listener. The key takeaway: Listen and take interest in others and they will remember and appreciate you long after you’ve gone.

By contrast, one must be discerning about self-protection when listening to others so as not to allow others to emotionally dump on them. Another account of a “good listener” I recently heard, was about a colleague of mine who allowed themselves to be fully present for the speaker who proceeded to dump their problems onto my colleague. By the end of the conversation, my colleague shared how worn out they were and how the speaker droned on to such a degree, that when my friend walked away, they felt as though a load of garbage had just been poured all over them. Not enough focus on self-protection was taken in that instance. 

For this reason, we must take care of ourselves so that we do not feel as though we become a dumpster for others to drop their woes upon us. In these situations, it is important to set boundaries for ourselves. Here are a few thoughts to consider when in a position to listen so as not to be overloaded with the challenges of others:

  1. Set limits on how much time you can afford to give to others. Let the speaker know up front how much time you have to give. Then be your word. When we do not hold to our boundaries we are telling the other person that they have the power to override our boundaries.
  2. When others have shared their boundaries with you, be sure to acknowledge that boundary before you cross it. You might say something along the lines of, “I just noted that our time is almost up. Are you in a position to allow this conversation to continue?” Should the person say yes, ask how much more time they have, and hold to it? Should they say no? Be sure not to continue. That other person will respect you more and will most likely not avoid speaking to you in the future.
  3. Set limits on what the topic will include and what it will not include. Avoid being the person who takes the other for granted and move into topics that were not agreed upon. This is a great opportunity to share an agreed-upon agenda and stick to it. I have found myself breaking this rule with my team. It doesn’t put you in the category of respecting those with whom you work.
  4. When you do flounder, be sure to apologize and make an effort not to repeat the offense. Particularly in business, the fastest way to lose the respect of others is to become a repeat offender. The rule of thumb here is that when you are out of integrity. Acknowledge it, and check to see whether there is anything you can do to get back in integrity with the other person. Then listen and commit to correct the error.
BECOME A BETTER LISTENER

Learn how becoming a better listener can Differentiate Yourself from your peers.

Differentiate Yourself

Posted on by Byron Darden

Did you know that, on average, people spend approximately 45% of their communication time on listening? While we often think of communication as speaking or conveying our own thoughts, a significant portion of effective communication actually involves attentive listening. Whether it’s in personal conversations, professional meetings, or public settings, listening plays a crucial role in understanding others, building relationships, and exchanging information. This statistic highlights the importance of honing our listening skills to become better communicators and truly connect with those around us.

Countless studies highlight the importance of listening skills. As you ascend to higher levels of management and leadership in an organization, listening becomes even more important. It can lead to employee satisfaction, a reduction in misunderstandings, and empowerment. Take a hint from many of my colleagues who are HR professionals who identify active listening as the most critical leadership skill. 

Another Case in Point: I was working with an HR professional on leadership skills. Our engagement had come to an end sooner than I would have liked. Yet, I honored my client’s desire to end the coaching work we’d begun. Some weeks later, they circled back with a new problem and inquired about the cost of a spot coaching session.

Given that I offer coaching packages and prefer them over spot coaching engagements, I shared the going rate for such a one-off coaching hour. My fee was met with resistance and an unwillingness to move forward with the conversation. I suggested we discuss this further and was told the fee was not affordable. At first, I wanted to share the importance of negotiation which often gets in the way of reaching an amicable agreement. I wanted to bring this to their attention except, had I done so, I would not be honoring their wish not to pursue.

I was stuck between wanting to use the lack of negotiation as a leadership stumbling block and also wanting to honor the client’s wishes not to continue pursuing more coaching.

Lesson Learned: As a business person, we have to be forward-thinking enough to recognize this might happen in the future and step into these types of conversations with alternatives already in place. 

LET’S TALK

It’s time to Master Your Listening Skills.

Master Your Listening Skills

Posted on by Byron Darden

“Listening is a master skill for personal and professional greatness.” – Robin S. Sharma

Did you know that people can listen to up to 450 words per minute, Yet their thoughts race ahead at a staggering pace of about 1,000 to 3,000 words per minute? This striking contrast highlights the challenge of staying fully engaged and attentive during conversations. While our ears can take in information at a rapid rate, our minds often wander, processing thoughts and ideas at a much faster speed. This phenomenon underscores the importance of actively practicing focused listening techniques, such as mindfulness and active engagement, to bridge the gap between our listening and thinking speeds. By doing so, we can enhance our ability to understand, empathize, and connect with others on a deeper level.

One of the ways you can improve your listening skills is to connect with me to explore options that work with your learning style and needs. Book an introductory call with me and learn how you can distinguish yourself from your peers with amazing listening skills.

LEARN MORE

Founders Corner – The People Side of Change

Posted on by Byron Darden

What do National Month of Hope, Volunteer Month, Move More Month, Parkinson’s Awareness, Garden Month, Stress Awareness Month, and Women’s Black History Month all have in common? They are all steeped in deepening awareness in our lives. By deepening our awareness, we live a fuller life, more broadly experienced, and in what I’ve discovered along my journey, experiencing my life on a level that allows for greater insight beyond what I ever imagined possible. 

For several months we’ve focused on different aspects of life that cause us stress, and while stress may often find its way to the forefront, this month we honor Financial Literacy Month.

Hi, I’m Byron Darden with another edition of Leading with Purpose on Purpose. In this edition, we continue our series on Transitions. In this installment, we focus on The People Side of Change. We’ve covered a great deal about the challenges and stressors of change and how a well-planned transition can make a universal difference in how we leave the current state, and move toward our approach to, the transition through and arrival at the new future state. That’s the Macro level of change.

On the Micro level, are those of us who lead through, and work in, the new state of change of  our organizations. Therefore we need tools to help us along the way to support our internal and external stakeholders. One of the most useful tools I’ve discovered as a leader, and often a leader’s ultimate downfall without it, is the invaluable ability and willingness to listen.

So listen with your eyes and your ears as we share how Triple Axel Executive Coaching can support you in navigating your long-range aspirations in your career and life. Enjoy!

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Dive into this month’s blog with the People Side of Change – Step by Step.

People Side of Change – Step by Step

Posted on by Byron Darden

Change is constant. Organizations must change to adapt to global and industrial conditions to keep up with the demands of their customers and remain in step or a step ahead of the competition. Those in charge of these changes make decisive decisions, where the aim is often to influence consumers and improve the bottom line. What’s missing sometimes is how these changes affect those in the middle. 

When the CEO declares there will be cuts across the board, each department head is tasked with how that will look in their department. Do they search for efficiencies, scrap projects, or lay off employees?  Meanwhile, the employees are thrown into a whirlwind of change, which includes various emotions.  Some employees are excited about change, some resist, and others are left by the wayside – either without a job in the organization or floundering to understand where they fit in.

How change affects the organization as a whole is familiar, as many studies and strategies have been explored in Change Management.  What we will explore here is how change affects the human dynamic, including navigating emotions, perceptions, and personal experiences.

We evolve with each passing day as a response to our environment, our interactions with others, or by gaining an understanding of ourselves.  The response to organizational change is an opportunity to turn inward and determine how it aligns with your purpose.

RESPOND TO CHANGE

Learn to Paint a PICTURE.

Paint a PICTURE

Posted on by Byron Darden

Organizational Change Management drives a series of actions to help support a company or organization to alter the way a significant component operates. This could involve the adoption of new technology or IT systems, an aspect of how the organization is set up (its infrastructure), or a culture shift.  

Instead of viewing the change as something that is happening to the organization and in turn happening to you, consider how you can grow through the transition and emerge successfully on the other side.

This process has three phases: preparation, implementation, and completion (follow-through). Its checks and balances are testing, utilization management, relational impact, and evaluation. We’ll call this process PICTURE.

There are different models for launching an organizational change, each with a unique approach to solving the problem. They commonly break down the PICTURE into manageable chunks of actions to complete the entirety of the change process.

Some organizations fail to take into consideration how they will manage human capital, or how the people factor into the change.  Human capital is multi-faceted consisting of:

  • Health
  • Education/Training
  • Experience
  • IQ and EQ
  • Hard and Soft Skills
  • Abilities
  • Creativity
  • Wisdom
  • Discernment

Each of these aspects is a study in itself, and when planning a transition, the goal is how to influence your team to draw on all these different aspects of what they bring to their role (so that the enterprise gains most from their contribution). At the same time, as you are experiencing the change, you can draw on all these personal attributes in planning your transition to your future self. 

Human capital management encompasses overseeing, evaluating, and deploying the value a human being contributes toward an organization achieving its goals. Beginning with well-chosen talent sets the stage for developing, managing, and inspiring that talent to perform well in their role. The development of human performance is the heart of our coaching. 

To optimize the talents of your team to more effectively ensure success in achieving the end goal of change, inspiring that talent to maintain the new state is crucial. Otherwise, your team can become demotivated, lose the spark of inspiration, and impact the new state in ways that render the change ineffective.

The 4 Cs of Performance Management as outlined by HR Tactics are collaboration, connect, clarity, and character. These concepts complement my approach to building leadership capacity in the following ways: 

  • Gaining buy-in,
  • Building strong team alliances,
  • Maintaining the transparency of a clear why,
  • Drawing out the unique alignments between one’s character and what the organization stands for,
  • Influencing the adoption of the new state following the change itself,
  • Responding to, Why it is Important? And
  • Ability to articulate the benefit in a way that’s inspiring to those going through the change

When we focus on the contributions and abilities of the people who will see the change through by acknowledging their concerns, potential obstacles, and fears of the unknown, we must support them in realizing we are all in this change together. We will all learn, stumble, and work together for the good of the outcomes that impact each employee and/or team member in positive and sustaining ways.

Questions to ponder are:

  • Are we really all in this together? 
  • As a leader, have you considered what is most important to you when it comes to change? 
  • Have you done the soul searching that can answer the question, “Why are you here?” 
  • Is it just to have power? More money? Perhaps satisfaction that you put your knowledge and wisdom to work to make a difference for someone else? 
  • Have you identified what you are most passionate about and then sought to fulfill that passion through your leadership?

When we miss the opportunity to ask of ourselves what we are ultimately asking of our team, we also miss the opportunity to walk in their shoes. To see the world from their perspective. We can become tunnel-visioned in leading the charge for change’s sake alone. Yet, when we aren’t steeped in awareness of our world outside of our leadership, we can misstep in managing the human capital of others.

SEIZE THE OPPORTUNITY

It’s time to Design a Roadmap.

Design a Roadmap

Posted on by Byron Darden

Here’s a simple task to turn your experience inward and discover what’s important to you:

Start with identifying what it is that you do at the very heart of your role as a leader. Consider the essence of your leadership, not just your tasks. Consider a metaphor that sums up who you are as a leader and as a person that is inextricably linked to your what!

Then look at why you’ve found yourself on this path. 

Next, explore how your knowledge can help you build a roadmap through life transitions you’ll face up ahead whether or not you’ve prepared. Consider these questions:

  • Will you be leading teams right up until you decide you have something more you want to do? 
  • Will you view your current state as a stepping stone to something that is calling you? 
  • Are you even aware there may be a calling you’re not hearing because of all of the noise that gets in your way? 

Taking the time to look into planning your own life, will support you in more effectively planning a new life (future state) in which your team will do their work, accomplish their tasks, and achieve their personal goals.

BUILD YOUR MAP

Next learn how to Build a Ship.

Build a Ship

Posted on by Byron Darden

By inspiring your people to embrace the desire of wanting to make a difference, you begin the development of a leader. There is a moving quote by Antoine de Saint-Exupery that reads: “If you want to build a ship, don’t drum up people together to collect wood and don’t assign them tasks and work, but rather teach them to long for the sea.”

When we inspire people to make a difference, and they discover the value they bring, we are planting the seeds that – when nurtured over time – will grow their confidence, passion, and visionary potential; key components of leadership.

When we are inspired, the dopamine in our brains is released stimulating a sense of motivation and energy. This energy is the rush we think of when positive thoughts enter our brains leading us to think in different ways that ultimately lead to the types of actions we take. One of the ways I develop leaders is to provide them with examples and put them in situations where they can draw on all their senses to physically experience, see, hear, smell, taste, and think about how they respond to positive vs negative language use. We address the concept of indoctrination that happens to all human beings within a society where norms are established.

We then perform a variety of activities that allow them to get in touch with how their senses take in the world around them and synthesize the individual components to produce different experiences in the mind, body, and spirit. Experimenting with these different experiences allows leaders the opportunity to gain insight into where their intentions may or may not align with their impact.

By transferring these experiences to their teams and employees, the leader begins to help those around them to rewire neurologically the synapsis that leads to new pattern development in their behavior. When we experience the influence that the new behavior has on our outcomes positively, we are more likely to repeat and embrace the different state of mind that aligns with the new future state that emerges upon completing a change initiative within an organization.

These are guiding principles to support your team through a change. They are also crucial considerations to take into account when doing your inner work of Life Planning. 

Life Planning is the human side of financial planning which seeks to discover the most profound goals of a leader through a process of listening and inquiry. Life Planning connects the dots between a leader’s financial realities with aspirations and the life they want to create for themselves. Through this process, the client harnesses behavior and relational aspects of financial planning that lead to the inspiration to mindfully pursue their aspirations.

Life Planning in contrast to Life Coaching – which can be a byproduct of Life Planning – results in developing another useful tool that serves you well as a whole person of whom, one of many roles is a leader. Once your Life Plan is in place, Triple Axel can work with you in manifesting that plan through coaching and program offerings designed to transition your life accordingly.

Examples

  • Life planning can provide you with a roadmap for the future
    • Starting a nonprofit organization
    • Retirement planning
    • Move to Volunteerism
    • Pursuing a promotion
    • Changing Fields/Industries
    • Starting a business
    • Living the life you want rather than someone else’s life because you did not plan your own 
  • Ground you in the work you’ve currently chosen
    • Supporting your personal brand
    • Clarifying your why and uncovering your motivations
    • Building compassion for your team and colleagues
    • Deepening your leadership effectiveness
    • Advise and coach your team with care
    • Sharing personal stories that inspire
  • See and experience others more mindfully and from a deeper knowing
    • Providing thoughtfully for your family
    • Building empathy for others
    • Sharing personal stories that inspire
    • Become a more effective listener
    • Deepen your inner peace
  • Reduce the anxiety and stress often coupled with climbing the corporate ladder
    • Develop focus and concentration
    • Manage anxiety and stress with deep breathing practice
    • Take more risks in low-stakes situations to build confidence
    • Increase self-reflection time and opportunities
  • Help you build a stronger and more sustaining relationship with yourself and your community
    • Capitalize on Strengths and Overcome Challenges
    • Enhance comfort with vulnerabilities
    • Strengthen your confidence
    • Let Go more effectively
CREATE A LIFE PLAN

Time to think about Where Do You See Yourself?

Where Do You See Yourself?

Posted on by Byron Darden

Think of your life in four increments of 8000 days (22 years). Each 22 years is a chapter that reads like a book. A time in your life during which you will transition to another. By the time you finish The Book of You, How would you want each chapter to read? 

Here is an activity you can start with:

Create a Four Square chart: The Book of You

Proceeding in a clockwise direction, starting in the upper left, name the boxes chapters 1 through 4. Identify each chapter by a name that is most meaningful to you and captures the general activities you recall taking place in the first two (the chart below has examples). 

Remember that the first chapter takes you to the age of 22. 

While the second begins at 23 and ends at 44 years of age.

Now imagine your future self in Chapters three and four. 

What name would you give each of the two remaining chapters?

What types of activities do you imagine being your focus? 

What do you like about what you see? What would you like to change? 

How do you imagine you would go through that process?

WRITE YOUR BOOK

Let me share A Personal Breakthrough.